In our last blog, we talked about the worst of times; what NOT to do when communicating with your spouse about conflict – aka while fighting! Today in my email blog I also talked about how silence can be absolutely detrimental.

So finally, here’s what you SHOULD do when you’re communicating both during conflict and just in general for ultimate success. These tips are excerpted from my Communication section of my RELEASE Program!


___Waiting until the other is finished speaking before you begin.

___Smiling or laughing while your mate tells you a pleasant story.

___Asking for clarification before jumping to conclusions.

___Mirroring back what you have heard.

___Showing enthusiasm for your spouse’s conversation topics.

___Using “I language” in conflict.

___Taking a time-out instead of yelling or abusing.

___Taking deep breaths.

___Praying for one another and your marriage quietly or aloud during or immediately following conflict.

___Offering an apology without compromising your integrity or dignity as a human being.

___Seeing a counselor or coach to help you when you get stuck.

___Asking your spouse about their day and listening instead of interrupting (female tendency – though both can) or fixing (male tendency – though both can).

___Telling your mate when you are upset but sandwiching that between highlights/good things about them.

___Talking out a conflict and compromising.

___Talking about financial goals together and holding one another accountable in large purchases.

___Planning vacations out with financial peace and nuclear family harmony in mind as opposed to planning for extended family needs first.

___Streamlining your ministry so you aren’t giving out way too much or too frazzled in your giving.

___Talking out a conflict and giving your spouse the benefit of the doubt by choosing their idea over your own sometimes.

___Saying “I’m sorry” when you have offended your spouse even if you didn’t intend to offend.

___Giving space when asked.


___Letting up control over a situation where your spouse is an adult who can make this decision for themselves, since it is minimal.

___Not trying to solve all of your spouse’s problems for them the minute they tell you about something.

___Putting the phone down during conversation with them.

___Emailing or texting if needed to keep conflict at bay and to give some boundaries to lengthy battles.

___Journaling or calling a trusted mentor who shares your values.

___Grabbing shoes and running or exercising to release stress.

___Taking a hot bath to soften your emotional intensity.

___Offering your spouse a warm hug every day (Adding a kiss would be marvelous!).

___Putting down the heavy burdens you carry to just relax and in order to have some lighter talks.

So take some of these tips and try them out for size! I can’t wait to hear what works and what doesn’t, for surely everyone has their own style and that’s what makes life and marriage forever interesting!! CH