Sometimes a couple I meet with will do powerhouse work where they literally change the course of destiny for their family. They dig their heels in and say something to the effect of, “We’re tired of doing it the old, dysfunctional way of generations past. We’ve given up on trying to let old wounds lead us. We’re all in for healing our family.”
This is a moment to be proud of, a moment that suggests a deeper trust in God’s bigger picture, and most importantly, represents the beginnings of a changed and redeemed life and family.
This week, I asked a couple (types 1 & 3 if you’re an Enneagrammie!) if I could share one of the results of them coming to this conclusion, which was the below well-thought out family values list they created as coaching homework.
I asked them to share today because I was so proud of them as well as inspired by them! I also wanted to give YOU the chance to write down your own list also as part of the Reflections tribe. If you’re also all in for family healing and you and your spouse are struggling, I’ve created a simple version for you to use for ideas or to copy, too!
They wrote this list to make sure trust and safety would be something they all feel together as a couple and family. I’m thankful they were happy to pass this on!
“We agree to talk first before putting ourselves in a predicament where we withhold info, delete, meet up with opposite sex, etc. I want us to be proactive then reactive.
If we are in a big argument, we agree to separate (like other sides of the house) until we’re cooled off.
We’re also going to not say or do things in front of the kids, so “Let mom and I talk before we go on,” and then we go to a different room and talk.
We decided we’re going to sit and talk to each other for 15 minutes every day, and use that time to pray with each other as well.
We won’t delete things but the other partner has to learn to not be intimidating and be able to discuss issues like adults.
We won’t be alone with the opposite sex unless it’s an agreed upon person.
And we’re not going to go zero to rage mode for any reason. We’re going to discuss and work together.”
I was overjoyed as they texted me this as they laid it out and we discussed it the next session! I saw history being rewritten.
Be encouraged friend, God will help you through your family story and issues as well as you keep surrendering to Him and choosing one healthy step at a time! Brainstorm your own list here!
Love Living Intentionally With You,
Christa
PS: If you’re dealing with trauma, check out the totally casual but totally awesome Trauma Talk Glenda did for us on Facebook Live last Fri! It was my favorite FB Live ever bc of the info on marriage healing trauma and EMDR she shared!
