Smack in the middle of the 80’s big hair and electronic music era, my childhood best friend Renee and I spent an entire audio tape pretending to be radio DJs.
I guess I always wanted to do podcasts!
I decided my girls were finally old enough to hear a little of this lovely tape last week, which as a bonus also included an “after school special” on not taking drugs…complete with a 1800 hotline.
Well, I was totally prepared for them to laugh, to look at me like I was an alien and possibly make a vow to themselves to never let their friends hear it. I’m used to and cool with those kinds of reactions.
In the middle of our listening time (which by the way, was going exactly as I’d predicted), we heard something unexpected.
My mom and I talking together on the other side of the tape.
Since she’s been gone for awhile now, it had been sooooo long since I heard her healthy and of course, an even longer time since I was a little girl with her.
In the recording, she was scampering after me to take a bath and I was distracting her, trying to get her to talk in a silly voice instead, which she finally did. We then sang My Favorite Things from The Sound of Musictogether and she lectured me about my homework and the tape was turned off.
In a matter of seconds of hearing her comforting voice, tears started brimming in my eyes, a polar opposite reaction from our laughter only seconds before.
I asked my wide-eyed girls for a few minutes to myself so I could just remember those times in thankfulness and sorrow. It was a great time, and even though I normally don’t “like” to cry, it was good for me to face that, even though the hardest part of that loss has already been dealt with.
Why did I allow myself to go there again even well after my initial grief? Because I know something important about loss that I want to help youwith today.
When grief hits, a time of reflection is a necessary step in the healing process.
Only taking that time can bring the closure we need to take another brave step in the right direction.
Today, maybe you too are processing a loss of sorts. Maybe your loss is fresh even right now.
Such as…
You’re going through a painful divorce, leaving you feeling like the loneliest soul alive…
You’re dealing with the loss of a sibling, a parent or a child and the ache just won’t go away…
You’re going through illness or mobility issues that are keeping you physically or emotionally down…
Or maybe you moved far away from everyone you know and love and it just feels so distancing.
If you lost your job, you may feel depressed on top of the grief, since for so many people, their job really does cause more grief than even a physical loss.
Whatever it is you’ve been grieving…
I genuinely know that ache.
And I know something else, something hopeful.
How you process the grief you carry says everything about the way you will move forward.
So let me ask you,
How have you processed your grief?
Have you taken time to look at your grief issues square in the face, no distractions, nothing stopping you, and just allowed tears to roll or the sadness to really fill you for a few minutes?
If not, you just need to do that.
There’s no other way through grief than through grief. No, that’s not a typo, it’s the truth! 🙂
And in your grief, know this, too…
Know that God made you well. You can withstand it.
Jesus even felt anguish in the Garden of Gethsemane in his own moment of loss. He felt grief when He watched His friends process a brother’s death.
God also says that although we have grief, it is accompanied by hope since Jesus conquered death on the cross. After death, we believers will be raised with Him in glory and wholeness for eternity. (Is 53:3, John 11:35, Luke 22:44, 1st Thess 4:13).
So this grief that we have as Christians actually has a huge amount of hope intermingled. It sets us apart as having an eternal destiny with our Maker which is of far more eternal value than any earthly losses.
And also just as encouraging…
You have hope for the next season of your life that can begin right here and now! As you read this, you need to remember something important – you’re still here!
Of course you can totally choose to not face the grief and let addictions settle in…
And let sadness rob you of your daily right to productivity and joy…
And use all your time left to feel sorry for yourself.
Or you can face yourself and your grief situation with bravery. If you need some help doing that, that’s why we’re here. Message us for a coaching or therapy visit to do just that.
And in the meantime, here are five ways to keep your grief moving in the right direction!
- Let it ride. Deal with it now and not later. Remember that God has equipped you with tear ducts and poetic license for a reason. If you don’t, you may find yourself headed toward an addiction in another area without realizing it.
- When you process your pain, limit the time you spend on it, especially after the first few weeks. Filling a page or two of a journal, giving yourself a half hour for tears or a venting phone call or playing a few songs worth of sad music may help. Try to limit your grief time so you have energy for the rest of your day if you are also working or caring for children. Try not to make yourself sick over your grief. If that keeps happening, see a counselor.
- Don’t stop getting self-care and sleep after the emergency is over. You may need physical time to heal or have funeral arrangements you can’t take a break from. In cases like these take at least five minutes of prayerful meditation and deep breathing. Be in the moment and allow for peace to slip in.
- Tell others in your life if you think you may be becoming depressed so they can pray for you. Reach out to us in need. We have a grief expert Melissa Jansen right on staff although all of us are versed in it.
- You are a son or daughter of the King so know that as you grieve, God gets it and will bring the peace, comfort and new mercies each day that you need to not only survive but to thrive. Yes, isn’t that wonderful? You can still thrive in many ways during seasons of grief so take care of yourself.
ststan Hi, I’m Christa Hardin, the owner and director of Reflections Counseling and Coaching Center! I started Reflections on the Suncoast after a decade of being a clinical therapist in both the Chicago area & Michigan. It's always been my dream to have a multi-faceted center where individuals can find wellness, inspiration and healing, and where my staff and I can reflect the love of Christ. It's amazing to have a dream come true and I don't take that lightly. I continue to be inspired by the brave couples and individuals who I am privileged to work with and love helping them to cross the finish line of their dreams again and again.
I am SO thankful for my roots from EMU, Wheaton College, and AACC, where I have majored in communication (Bachelor's Degree, EMU), psychology (Bachelor's Degree, EMU), Clinical Psychology (Master's degree, Wheaton) and coaching (AACC). I did an independent study on marriage in graduate school of couples and their attachment styles. I continue to learn from and integrate practice from the very best places in the world of family systems thinkers, brain research, and marriage and wellness research at large. I take the Bible, God's word, as my ultimate source for inspiration and wisdom in all I do.
Out of my training and experience from working over a decade with couples came my R & R Relationship Repair program. This program is especially designed for those individuals who are committed to one another and who want improvement in their marriages. I don't diagnose or condemn others for their flaws (we are all growing!) but instead I become a student of both their strengths and areas for growth and find creative and strategic ways to help them to thrive as both individuals and as a couple. I have poured my research and passion into the R & R program and it's time effective, fun, and results-oriented!
Many of my clients have worked with me via individual a-la-carte sessions but I also offer monthly program where you can get more time with me so you can get relief much faster. This is especially helpful for those don't have the time to meet in person or aren't local since most of the time I do this program via phone or e-sessions. If you're looking for a good fit for your personality (totally important), personally, I am warm, friendly, nurturing and creative, and the rarest Enneagram personality type, the thinking Enneagram 7. I love laughing and being silly but also love going deep with people. In many of my couples sessions, my clients reflect on their deepest joys and sorrows, recognize their unhealthy patterns, and commit to trying out the new ideas we come up with together. This simple pattern allows for trusted growth with every step.
I also offer webinars for those who enjoy the teaching format via video. If you want to work with me on a monthly basis for a coaching program, I have limited slots available and am now accepting new clients! See our marriage coaching page for the details! For in-person work with me, you can complete our availability form below!
If you prefer reading, check out my books, RELATE: A Guide to Marriage and Relationship Repair and RELEASE: A Couple's Growth Workbook, my mother's devotional Messy Buns and Cartwheels, and for individuals, my e-book, The Overflowing Life: A Life Hack for the Overwhelmed & Overloaded also on Amazon.
Who am I behind the scenes? Well, I grew up in Detroit with three wonderful siblings (although we didn't think so then!) and two parents who were educators. My father had an MA in English Lit and instilled in me a love for writing and my mother was an elementary teacher and stay at home mother later, doing an awesome job even while dealing with mental health issues. Her strength and recovery inspired me to get into this field, to reduce stigma and to lend hope where there is none.
I am a huge Jane Austen, Mark Twain, Charles Dickens and Tolkien/Lewis lover and I love reading any of these authors again and again to glean from their incredible human studies and characterization. With my husband and friends, I love having intellectual and philosophical conversations but relationships and laughter are at the top of the list too of course! My guilty pleasure is to read classic children's books for fun also! All three of my kids even have middle names from English Literature characters.
For the day-to-day pleasure, I love baking and teaching my children, writing, podcasting, and I read almost non-stop.
Although I love living in a shire near the beach with my family, I am a major city girl at heart! A day in New York or Chicago is always welcome to me, and don’t get me started on how much I love mountains or Michigan in the Fall.
Well, now that you know all about me, I’d love to learn more about you! Looking forward to living life intentionally with you! Contact us here to set up with Christa or her team!
